Magic Mushrooms & Psilocybin: Do You Dose?
Do you dose?
For me, the term “magic mushrooms” conjures up a combination of teenage angst and old world nostalgia. I can recall two occasions in my younger years where a “trip” was had; and to be brutally honest…. Shit got pretty weird. I vaguely remember rules like: Never look in the mirror, wear comfy clothing, be outside, stay away from the TV, and if you believe you’re dying; DRINK ORANGE JUICE.
So why decades later are productive and otherwise successful adults not only “dosing” but openly touting the benefits of the new wave of microdosers? It’s everywhere from your local mom blog all the way to 60 Minutes with an Anderson Cooper expose. Is there something here? Is it worth looking into? This 40 year old mother of 2, is about to find out.
For the most part due to stigma (and local laws) the science on microdosing is still out. This past fall, the University of Toronto launched the Centre for Psychedelic Studies, which will host the world’s first clinical trials on microdosing psilocybin. It joins a number of other prominent institutions devoting resources to psychedelics research, including other research centres at Johns Hopkins University and Imperial College London. For the most part when it comes to hard evidence it will be a wait and see.
Microdosers claim to harbour less dysfunctional attitudes, exhibit less negative emotionality, and score higher on measures of wisdom, open-mindedness and creativity. At the risk of oversimplifying, it appears people micro dose for two reasons. To reduce the frequency and intensity of undesirable states caused by various forms of mental illness including:
- Mood disorders
Or, to increase the frequency and intensity of desirable states/outcomes:
- Flow states
- Improved relationships/increased empathy
- Athletic coordination
- Leadership Development
Countless people microdose Psilocybin (found in magic mushrooms) to help them solve work related problems, create new concepts, or simply to reduce procrastination. What began as the darling of silicon valley has become decidedly mainstream.
About me: I am a 47 year old female and single mother of 2. Twice divorced, with diagnosed low grade PTSD. I work harder than I should, have more responsibility than most, and have found myself increasingly less connected to those around me. I can become angry or sad when triggered; and these days everything no matter how small seems to be a trigger. Body aches and general malaise are common, so is waking up at 4 am full of anxiety. The lack of sleep creates a struggle to keep up and perform on a daily basis. I feel emotionally distant from both of my children and cant remember what joy felt like.
Are you sad yet? Just writing this is a wakeup call for how far down the rabbit hole I’ve already fallen. I used to run marathons; I was a fitness gym “bunny” who always had a smile for those around me; I was VEGAN for Gods sake. While I have never been described as “warm”, I can’t remember when I became this shut down. After 3 years of progressively worsening emotions, two years of therapy, NLP treatment for PTSD, and finally a SSRI medication….. I’m ready to try just about anything, even something THIS outside my comfort zone.
I have one bottle of the XL Holi Life capsules which contain 40 pills; each containing 125 MG Cubensis Psilocybin Mushrooms, 100 MG Lions Mane, 100 MG Vitamin B3. I will begin by taking one pill a day in the morning upon rising, I will continue for 5 days then take 2 days “off”. After the first week, my personal shroom guide will adjust my dose for the weeks that follow to get me to my daily max (yet still micro) dose.
Day 1: My bottle arrived later than expected and after discussing waiting until tomorrow or dosing today at 11am with my muru (mushroom guru); I’ve elected to just go for it. 11am first capsule taken. Followed by a myriad of calls and texts reminding my muru that I don’t use drugs ever, have children, and cant be chasing gnomes all day. He laughs and says take it and go on with your day hun….. you won’t even notice. 1pm muru is on the phone after my messages re escalating anxiety and burgeoning panic. “I think it’s anxiety ABOUT the pill and not its affects that you’re experiencing, take a minute…… let it marinate”. At this point my mind is racing, what have I done, is he kidding? I pick up my computer to distract myself…. 4 hours of the most productive and creative work I’ve completed all year… OMG I feel fantastic. I feel calm, happy, focused, did I really just accomplish all of that? My house is clean, dinner is made; I even baked cookies! Triggers? What triggers? When I deal with my crazy Ex on the phone instead of reacting I laughed. “Sorry you’re having a bad day, I understand it’s not always easy” I hear myself saying to him. Wow, just wow…… day one, who DIS. Is that a bubble of joy that just came up? I am excited to see how this expands tomorrow.
Day2: My 4am wake up reoccurred unfortunately, perhaps it’s body memory as I felt zero anxiety. I lay in bed looking out the window thinking; wow the snow is fantastic (which is a far cry from OMG I can’t breathe). Up with a bounce in my step ready for my next dose at 7am. Within an hour I feel warm, happy, focused. Planning and executing things in such a precise manner that I don’t recognize myself. Where is the tired malaise I am accustomed to?
Day3/4: Feeling great, sleeping better. Motivation? It’s off the charts! Negative feelings and attitudes drift in and out like a winter wind. Everything seems so clear, so easily understood and worked through. Realizing my two day microdose break will begin soon is what’s causing the only lingering anxiety I experience. The research says I will continue to enjoy the benefits even without my daily pill. Time will tell I suppose. So far, I am happy to report no “high” and or “trip”. Only general feelings of positivity and generalized happiness. This certainly is not the mushroom “magic” of my youth. This feels like an adult experience, beneficial and not superficial.
Day5: As I come to terms with my looming 2 day break from the magic mushrooms; it’s the ONLY thought creating anxiety. I’ve been assured I will continue to enjoy the full effects; the euphoria and creative buzz will linger on. I am sleeping like an angel and letting the worries of the world wash off me daily. So bring on the break, I am ready to knock next week out of the park!
HG Customer Service Manager & Jill of all Trades